1 Feb 2005

GNUSWEEK 01 FEB 05

DEMOCRACY TAKES ROOT, UPROOTED BY KING

(The Outer Slabovian Desert Mountains) This remote Slabovian outpost, home of the world's largest slabovium deposits, saw its first elections in over 42 decades this weekend after the controversial Slabovian invasion 42 weeks ago. The OSDM elections were unique in that none of the candidates' names were published, nor were parties made known to the public. Upper Slabovian Annex President W.W. Gush hailed the election as a total success. "There is no 'us' in 'success'", the dyslexic leader said. King George also hailed the election – with a hail of bullets, immediately dismissing the new Prime Minister, Cabinet, and – "What the heck," said King George, "let's find the entire government new jobs – in the slabovium mines, where their human rights will naturally be respected." The European Union greeted this move with a joyous return to normal diplomatic relations. "We highlighted the need to support a process leading to democratic pluralism, respect for human rights and basic freedoms," said EU foreign minister Jean Asselborn. George Rex was immediately cleared of all suspicion of genocide. "There was no military necessity for the destruction and devastation caused. The targets of destruction during the attacks under discussion were exclusively civilian objects." Civilian daeths in the OSDM are not counted for statistical purposes.

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