Kings Own Airborne Llama Artillery

Recognizing the need for a mobile rapid-response force, and inspired by the zamburaks of the “gunpowder empires” of the 18th century, His Royal Majesty King George 2.0 ordered the formation of the King’s Own Airborne Llama Artillery, or KOALA.

This elite fighting force uses llamas as mobile light artillery units, with a breech-loading weapon mounted on the operator’s saddle. This concept allows for rapid movement, enabling the on-scene commander to rapidly redirect fire as required to adapt to the situation. In initial testing, this movement has been especially rapid after the weapon is fired, startling the llama.

In order to get the unit where it needs to be with both precision and stealth, His Majesty also commanded the formation of an air support wing comprised of airships. Rather than using hydrogen (remember the Hindenburg?) or helium, which is becoming scarcer over time, these ships use methane to achieve lift. The methane is generated by the llamas themselves, and sometimes by the troops – particularly after chili night in the mess hall.

Currently, there are several minor technical issues preventing the unit from becoming fully operational. First, there is a need for specially designed “sound suppression devices” that will fit llama ears. Second, development of parachute harnesses that will fit llamas is still under way. Finally, once the second task is completed, someone needs to figure out how to convince the llamas to jump out of the airships at height.

KOALA is actively recruiting oƯicers with experience in light artillery, llamas, and/or airship operations.