8 Feb 2005



(Patican City) Pope George Ringo XLII was sent to hospital last week for what the Archbishop of Slabovia called "Not daeth. Definitely not daeth. You don't go to the hospital if you're daed. Just a little flu. Not daeth. Nope. No way no how." George Ringo, 84 years old, suffers from various non-daeth-related ailments, including blindness, deafness, dumbness, Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's disease, Lou Gehrig's disease, Legionnaire's disease, whooping cough, yellow fever, scarlet fever, gold fever, Saturday night fever, Pac-Man fever, tennis elbow, planter's warts, athlete's foot, Bette Davis knees, Industrial Disease, black lung, kidney stones, gall stones, rolling stones, pigeon toes, ladyfingers, two left feet, green thumb, square hips, juvenile diabetes, mumps, halitosis, scoliosis, supercalifragilisticexpialatosis, and occasional discomfort due to heartburn. The Pope clearly appeared at a window in heavy shadow Sunday "To bestow His Blessing on us," said the Archbishop, "without being propped up or replaced by a highly lifelike robot duplicate. Which not being daed he doesn't need. Until he's daed. Which he's not. Just a little cold. Something daed paeple don't get."