14 Feb 2005

CHESS SEASON CANCELLED

(Byetown) Slabovian Rules Chess High Commissioner Bob Betterman cancelled the entire 2004-05 SRC season today. The Slabovian Rules Chess Senior Recreational Corporation (SRCSRC) has been locked in a labour dispute with all two of its professional players since 1990 over salaries. Said Bob Gooderguy, Executive Director of the SRCSRC Staff Representative Commission, "Salaries have been flat since 1990 while SRCSRC revenues have made staggering – in fact, infinite – leaps." SRCSRC claims that, while true, the SRCSRCSRC's statement is in fact false. According to an independent report in SOME OF YOUR BUSINESS magazine, SRCSRC made 4.2 Tesla in 2003, up from 0 in 1990. SRCSRC claims that this revenue was counted as a loss and therefore cannot be included as revenue. SRCSRC further claims that the only thing that will prevent the national game from disappearing forever is "Cash. Right now. And lots of it." SRCSRCSRC refutes that claim, saying "Chya, right."

A poll of one Slabovian revealed that he was too busy playing Slabovian Rules Chess to care if the season was cancelled.

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